Why God??

I grew up in a big Italian family where pride was strength. No emotion was strength. Not caring for others was strength. Not loving was strength and no affection was strength. I attended a methodist church as a child so I knew about God and knew He was always near me, guiding me.

I experienced a lot of emotional and physical abuse as a child but I knew that God was with me and He wanted me to experience this for some reason. I knew He was making me stronger. When I left home at 16 God kinda got pushed to the back burner until I realized I NEED Him in my life.

It took me 24 years before I realized that life of what I thought was strength isn't what I wanted or more importantly it wasn't what God wanted. At 24 I prayed for God to break down all the walls Satan had put up. If you can imagine 24 years worth of walls up. Growing higher and higher as the years went on along with all the pressure building. Maybe walls of a volcano is a bit more accurate. I knew I sure would blow a lot of smoke when I got mad at situations or people. I didn't like how I felt. I was about to blow and it was going to be devestating.

At 24 I had faced many things, many emotions. Mostly I felt rejected by friends and family. Slowly, God was taking away everything I thought I could count on. Then, I was hospitalized with chronic migraines. With that pain I was drawn closer to God. I was put up in a catholic hospital in Chicago. There was scripture throughout my room and I knew God was nearby caring for me. When I was released I thought I was healed but God had something else in mind. Physically I was better but emotionally it had only begun.

From there I went into a deep depression. I was still able to work and put up a good front but inside I was crying for LOVE. I spoke with one of my co-workers about my situation. Her husband was a pastor (and still is). She invited me to a special showing of the "Passion" movie. Then I started attending their church every Sunday and also for bible study.

During this time I had one really bad weekend and I really wanted my life to end because I couldn't take the pain. I was hurting so badly I seriously considered suicide.  I was about to end my life but I figured I'd make one last plea to God.  So I said, God you need to speak to me and I need to hear from you now. I'm going to open my Bible and please guide me to read what you want me to hear. I opened my Bible to Psalm 139.

From then on I knew God really loved me and I wanted to scream it to the world. Not only did I know He loved me but I could feel it. What a great feeling to know that our Lord, our Savior Loves ME. Little ole me!

I wish everyone could experience that supreme love that God has for us.

I wish my other family members would have the same wonderful things would happen to them. They have some big walls up but I pray for God to soften their walls and hearts so they may receive his love just as I did and do.